set a fire

Set a fire down in my soul
That I can’t contain, that I can’t control
I want more of You, God
I want more of You, God

I want more
I want more
I want more
I want more
I want more
I want more of You
Pour it out

These are dangerous words. 

I have a memory of being in Haiti, riding with Roro down the street and he saw someone in need- he reached in the back of his car, grabbed a paper lunch sack with food in it and handed it to the person.  I was only 15 at the time and realized how simple it is to feed another person.  Now, almost 15 years later, I am finally acting and feeding others in need.   Please know that I’m not saying it to make myself look better, it simply provides some context to my words.  Steve and I grabbed a few backpacks, and filled them with food, personal care items and first aid items- all things we had around the house.  When we gave an older man the second one- He looked at us and said “thank you, God bless”. A part of my heart broke and it’s still breaking. 

Heal my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like you have loved me

Break my heart for what breaks yours
Everything I am for Your kingdom’s cause
As I walk from earth into eternity

 

I have prayed this song- break my heart for what breaks yours.  I can now say that God is breaking my heart and setting a fire in my soul.  I couldn’t sleep last night as I thought about that man’s words- a simple “God bless”- and I felt so small- he said “God bless” because I gave him a tiny bit of the insane excess I have.  I gave him a backpack- and I drove away- leaving him to sleep outside another night and beg another day.  I live in a cozy apartment with plenty of food, clothing, and security. 

I couldn’t fall asleep last night as I tried to ignore the pain in my heart that I could feel growing.  I am called to love others like God loves me.  Candidly, I’m doing a pretty crappy job.  I love my family, I give back to them, but I drive by people in need every single day and do nothing.  Maybe a thought, sometimes a prayer, but ultimately, I drive to my home and leave them there. 

So as I wrestle with what it means to truly love God and be a disciple, I will ask God to set a fire in my soul that I can’t contain and I can’t control.  I want more of you God. 

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