Forget College…I should’ve been a…..

The other night, my 2 year old was laying on the floor sobbing.
Why was she sobbing?
After asking lots of questions to determine what could be causing all the tears…we figured it out.
She was crying because…
She had a fingernail.
What?  How do you even deal with that? We had to ask several times- does it hurt? is something wrong with it? nope, the fact that the fingernail existed…that was the source of the tears.
College did NOTHING to prepare me for this.  Seriously, working in a high stress, fast paced professional setting for years…not so helpful with toddlers.  (To be clear, I am not taking a stance on working vs stay at home moms, I am only saying my job outside of the home is very different my job staying home)
You know what might have trained me for this?
Bartending.
Dealing with drunk people while sober for extended periods of time.  That is the only job I can think of that could adequately prepare you for dealing with toddlers all day.  Well, maybe not the only job, but I really think it would be great practice.
Seriously- I wonder if bartenders are amazing parents.  They have had so much practice dealing with people who randomly cry for no foreseable reason.  They see people who can’t make it to the bathroom, who randomly throw up, who throw fits because…pants? I don’t even know.  I have read multiple articles about how toddlers are basically the same as drunk adults, and they are hilarious.
Bartenders get hands on experience trying to reason with someone who literally doesn’t care what you think and has no problem telling you.  I feel like they would see a tantrum and be able to remain calm, because they have been dealing with this at work every single day.
So as not to offend the Internet’s extremely sensitive spirit- I’m sure teachers and many other professions train all sorts of people to be wonderful parents…etc etc etc you are a shining star…
But forget college, I should’ve been a bartender.

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