So my newsfeed has been flooded with posts about Paris, about Syria, about ISIS, about our world breaking and people dying.
I am so thankful that I have friends with vastly different views.
I see people’s hearts breaking asking, “how can we let children die?”
I see people who so desperately love their families asking, “How can I keep my family safe?”.
I see people saying, “is it best for us to bring more people to America, when we can’t take care of our own people?”
There are, of course, other things too, but these are the main underlying themes of the people I know (which obviously only represents a very small percentage of people)
As I read these things, I realize what I don’t see, a view that resonates with my own struggle. While I read, while I pray, I am struggling with the realization that I just don’t know. Everyone seems to have the answer. People are speaking with such knowledge and authority. I can’t identify with that, but man, I wish I did.
I don’t have all the facts, I don’t have all the information, and I don’t know how I can help the most. My heart is breaking for the people everywhere. I want to help everyone, to save all the children, and the adults, and the puppies and the sea turtles. I have a soft heart and I just want to help them all. I don’t know how to do that. I know that I can’t save everyone and everything. I feel so small and overwhelmed by the pain and the chaos and it scares me to say that I just don’t know.
I like answers. I like neat and clean. From so many posts and articles and authors who have all the answers, I wonder if maybe they feel like me. Maybe they are scared of not knowing, so they find answers quickly because sitting in the middle, in the pain, in the chaos- it is so hard. My default is always to “DO MORE”. Am I doing more because it’s easier than thinking and feeling the pain?
Am I acting quickly because I want to help, or is it because I know I could break down if I stop moving?
Maybe, for you, this is an easy issue. Maybe you don’t wrestle with the question of how to best love the world, because you have done your time wondering, questioning, breaking.
I am so glad people are talking about difficult topics. I am so glad that the red cup insanity is over. I’m writing this as I sit on my couch, watching my perfect, safe children roll around the floor with tears running down my cheeks. I am writing this because today, I feel a struggle, and I’m going to sit with it for a while.