When we shout the loudest: Three degrees of complaining

  So I’ve noticed a trend.  I want to start all my posts with the word “so”.  My dad used to joke that he knew I was about to launch into a story/rant because I paused, said, “so”, paused again, and out came the monologue. 

That was not at all what I intended to start writing, but as soon as I saw “so”, I laughed and wanted to tell that story. 

Anyways….back to my original point…

I’ve noticed a different trend.  

I’ve seen quite a bit of blogging, posting, talking about how everyone needs to calm down and stop being so offended. I get it.

People used to express opinions within their own small circle and now they get to be much louder. If you were opinionated and combative before the Internet, you probably didn’t have many friends.  I wonder how many “aggressive” and “loud” people were friendless as kids and now are essentially expressing their views everywhere because they have felt like no one has listened to them for their entire lives.  Maybe some of them need a friend.  What if there is a correlation between “trolling” and feeling alone?

When my small people are the most difficult, that’s usually when they need a hug and to hear that I love them, through it all.  If I tell them to stop freaking out, they aren’t like, “oh cool, I had no idea I was a mess, thanks for letting me know, you really helped”.

What if we reached out in love to those who shout the loudest? What if we said, “I hurt about this too, we should team up to help”? What if we said, “I don’t agree, but I want to hear more about what you think?” What if we just paused for a moment, paused to listen to someone who drives us crazy and realized that they were also people with hearts and souls.  

Saying, “oh my gosh everyone stop being offended and worked up about everything” is like the kid in class shouting, “shhhhh” to get people to quiet down. 

Pointing out that someone else is annoying seems both unproductive and unhelpful.  The last time I got mad, it was because I spilled oatmeal. My reaction was ridiculous.  It also had very little to do with the oatmeal and lots to do with exhaustion and hunger.  When I overreact about something, it’s not usually about that thing, something else is happening so it seems like maybe the hypersensitivity we are addressing is about a need to be heard and valued. 

Maybe I’m complaining about those who complain about people who started the complaining.  I’m okay with that.

Now I get it, not all the people you personally find annoying need love, compassion and friends, maybe they have all the love they could possibly want or need.  I’m not sure if there are people in this world who would say they couldn’t use more love, but if there are, and they are still acting in ways that you don’t like, it is fully within your rights to be annoyed, to tell them to stop, to act however you please.  It’s also your opinion and their opinion.  That’s it. 

To say that you want all people with opinions you personally find ridiculous to be quiet seems ineffective, at best. 

All this being said, if you find your blood pressure rising when you encounter views and statements you adamantly oppose, statements  you find offensive, remember that your anger is only poisoning your own heart.  I would also recommend avoiding reading the comment section. 

Find your group, your friends, your people and invest your precious energy there. Use your fuel to add to your life, not to diminish it. Give love openly without strings attached. Love never fails. 

2 thoughts on “When we shout the loudest: Three degrees of complaining

  1. Such wise words. I periodically catch myself taking on the “responsibility” to point out to my kids when they are a hot mess (as if they didn’t already know) instead of just loving on them and sitting with them in their feelings. In all 15 years of being a mama, I don’t think it’s ever worked out well – big surprise there. If it doesn’t work with my own people at home, it sure isn’t going to work out in the world. Thanks for the lightbulb moment, Rachel! 🙂

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s