I’m feeling restless. It happens sometimes…a lot of times….
I feel the need to go, to do, to move.
Normally I start to do things in a frenzy. I get anxious. I get nervous. I do something, anything.
I rearrange furniture. I plan a trip. I shop.
I do, I go…anything to feel less anxious.
I’m trying to sit in the restlessness. See if maybe I can learn from it.
I’m trying not to run away from this feeling and instead feel it.
I don’t like it.
I feel claustrophobic when I’m not moving.
In college, I would create an epic away message with a black background and purple letters with the lyrics from an artist who “got me”.
It’s easier to scroll through Instagram and Facebook and watch Gilmore Girls. It’s easier for me to be busy, to do, to go.
I’m trying not to be mindless.
It’s easier to mindlessly exist.
I decided to read last night when I couldn’t sleep. I love reading.
I read Brave New World. The society in the story conditions people to be social and hate being alone, to hate solitude. It conditions them to numb feelings and satisfy desires.
I don’t want that. Even though it’s harder to sit in the restlessness.
I feel a bit like a gypsy sometimes. I don’t like to be still.
I decided to write. It helps me think. So those are my thoughts.